In my previous post, I discussed the movement concept of “yielding” (both physically and psychologically) and its relationship with trust in the development of a secure attachment to the primary caregiver. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to check it out.This post will focus on the “push” that comes immediately after the yield.
Developmentally, this is the stage when an infant begins to separate and individuate from the caregiver. It is also the very beginning of our ability to say “no” with our body. An effective push occurs when the yield into a trusting environment felt safe enough to push away from, and when the caregiver respects and allows the child’s need for separation.As we get older, pushing away is required to be able to set boundaries-physically, psychologically and emotionally. Pushing is also a way for us to begin to “stand on our own two feet” and not depend completely on another for support.
Many individuals find it challenging to set effective boundaries for various reasons. One of the ways we can work on this in therapy is through the body. A physicalized sense of what it’s like to set a boundary can support a verbal ability to set a boundary, once the person is both familiar and comfortable with how it feels. This is because developmentally we learn through our body first. Sometimes setting boundaries can feel very scary. So practicing physically, the act of setting a boundary in the safety of the therapeutic relationship, can be very helpful.
Experiential exercise: Something everybody can practice at home. Begin standing, feet firmly planted on the ground, arms at your side. Visualize a personal space bubble extending as far as you can reach in all directions. Feel your lower body supporting you while you begin to push outward away from your body towards your space bubble (you can also imagine what color it is if you like). Do this in all directions-above, below, right, left, forward and backward and everywhere in between. Then imagine that you are painting the inside of your bubble and let your arms move in large sweeping motions as you paint.Adjust your stance as needed to maintain balance while defining your space bubble with your arms and upper body. . When you feel done, stand in a parallel position with your feet under your hips, arms by your sides, the way you began. Scan your body now and see if you notice anything different. Lastly, create a mantra for yourself about your ability and right to set boundaries and to claim the space around you that is rightfully yours.
I always suggest you end your movement exploration by journaling what you noticed on a body level, so that you can bring your embodied experience more into your conscious awareness. This is one way to fully connect the body and mind and integrate the experience. Then you can consider ways to bring this experience into your everyday life.
Look for the next blog on “The Reach” coming soon.